I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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