it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Someone shattered a urinal.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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