I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
My vagina is officially offended.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
