why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Ketchup is God's man juice
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
