i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize