I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
