This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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