It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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