the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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