I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Randomize
