And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
