How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
