Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
