super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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