be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
