Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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