I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The air was thick with penises
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I lost the right to judge tonight
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
