Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
