Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
