Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
