This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
