we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
