I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
