his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
wow bdsm is so cute
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
