I smell stomach acid.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
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I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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