Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
