your room smells of hookers.
And success
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
