Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
