please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
