This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
