That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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