he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
