when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
