so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
My vagina just clenched in fear
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
