I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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