They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
