i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
