i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
