the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
