i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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