you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
