He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
