You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
