I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
