He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
