nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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