I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
