Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
