the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
