Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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