Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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