I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
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