Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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