a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
dude. I can hear the air.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
