have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
