Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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