Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
