K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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