Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
