Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
