That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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