the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
