i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
