Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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