Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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