I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
