i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
