Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
