i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
