Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
