eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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