i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i drank out of a bidet.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
