im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
True strength comes from lack of pants
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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