I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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