You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
