Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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